Once again, the
holidays are upon us. Along with pumpkin pies, squealing children running
around, and lots of hugs and laughter come the inevitable not-so-fun moments. Are
there people around your table you would rather not see if you could help it?
Those who always seem to say something critical? Those who won’t even speak to
each other?
Strained and
broken relationships among family members are often difficult to repair—and it
is rarely possible to accomplish this during an annual gathering. But there are
things you can do to make it better.
Bonnie
Artman Fox, whose career has included working as a licensed therapist as well
as a registered nurse, is the founder of A Conscious Choice through which she teaches skills to deal with difficult people and situations. She
has wise and thoughtful advice for those who are struggling with family issues
during the holidays. In a nutshell, Bonnie advises giving a “heart gift…”
“…compassion
instead of a comeback…a smile instead of sarcasm…affirming words instead of
attacking words.”
OK, this can
be really tough to do—especially when you’ve been deeply hurt by someone. The
following is a quote Bonnie shares that could make it easier for you:
“When another person makes you suffer, it is
because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over.
He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
While
extending compassion, forgiveness—even tolerance—for a few hours on one or two
days out of the year might be doable, it likely will not restore the
relationship(s). But it will make the day more pleasant for everyone.
Try it. If it goes well for you, then consider taking
another step. At Samaritan Counseling Center, our therapists are trained to
help families and couples to improve—and often restore—damaged relationships.
Give family counseling a try. Yes, it’s hard work—there’s no
magic involved! But all the people who got professional counseling and are now
gathering at their holiday tables sharing love, peace and happiness will tell
you that it was well worth their efforts.
