A Super Bowl of Emotions
By Matthew Williams

Regardless which side you were rooting for, one thing is for certain

when it comes to this past weekend’s super bowl—it was a game for the ages. If you are a Falcons fan, I am sorry. If you are a Patriots fan, congratulations! Regardless of which team you rooted for, you may still be experiencing the after effects of such a spectacular event—the extreme highs and lows of your emotions.

Like most of the nation, I was a Falcons fan for a night. (Sorry Patriots, just cannot root for you.) I experienced great joy, anger, and ultimately sadness during the course of a four hour span—a lot of emotion and very drastic. Multiply that by 112 million, which was the viewership for Super Bowl 50. Why do we experience all of this emotion and how can we cope with it?

The world of sports is an interesting one. If you don’t believe me, look at Pittsburgh on a Monday morning after a Steelers loss. You would think everyone needed a counselor! (Which Samaritan can provide—I know, shameless plug) Or, look at some of the huge sporting events that happen across the world. It is guaranteed that at least one couch and maybe a car may be set ablaze by the losing team’s fans—not to mention the countless brawls between fan bases.

BUT WHY!? Why do we get so caught up in this world? According to an article by Dr. Ryan Martin in Psychology Today titled, “The Inciting Word of Sports,” there are basic psychological factors that explain this crazy phenomenon. One of these factors is reflected glory, which was coined by Robert Cialdini that described an individual’s ability “share” in the glory that resulted in someone else’s doing. This is best seen in sports when fans refer to a team’s win by saying “We won” or “We are going to the Super Bowl” when in reality that fan had no realistic impact on that team.

Another factor is tension. This goes hand in hand with sharing in the glory of a team. If the stakes rise during a game, it can lead to higher levels of anxiety. As a result, one may experience the feeling of being on edge or even violent, especially when the event is not going the way he/she thought it would. For some fans, their team losing a game can have catastrophic consequences, leading them to do things (like setting fires, inciting fights and destroying property) that may be out of their norm.

Fortunately, there are some simple solutions to avoid developing a frenzied state of mind. 

One of the most important things you can do is keep everything in perspective. It is nothing more than a game, something that should be enjoyed, not a source of anger, hostility, or depression. Think realistically about what the win or loss means for you, the fan. Knowing what makes you upset or angry during a sporting event (or any event) is the first step in awareness and relaxation. Recognizing what triggers the anxiety and anger can help you cope through different relaxation techniques.

One of my personal favorites is called the Limp Noodle which is a Progressive Muscle Relaxation Technique. This technique was shared with me by one of our counselors, Lynda Bradley and is commonly used to help relieve stress, anxiety, and feelings of physical discomfort. To do this is very simple:

1.     Sit on edge of chair

2.     Back straight and feet planted firmly on ground.

3.     Bend over at the waist allowing your arms to dangle to the floor.

4.     Take deep slow breaths, allowing the muscles in your body relax.

5.     Calm the mind by clearing it and focusing on a spot on the floor.

6.     Do all of this for a few moments; your body will tell you when it’s time to rise.

7.     Slowly bring yourself back up, taking slow and deep breaths.

8.     Bring your hands in front of you, interlock your fingers and place them on the back of your head.

9.     Lean back with your hands behind you head and breathe deeply and slowly.

A perfect posture for watching the game in peace (or as close to peaceful as possible)!

Dr. Martin also recommends limiting the banter with friends and family. Stress does not only come from the game, but also from those around you. While it may start out as friendly teasing between friends and family, it can quickly erupt into a source of anger and more stress.

Finally, there is simple avoidance. If you know something is going to cause unwanted stress, there is no shame in avoiding the conflict. Recognizing the stressors in your life and avoiding them while you learn how to cope is a healthy way to keep your mind on point. (That doesn’t mean avoiding everything altogether.) Watching sports is a choice, going to the in-laws is not!

You can be passionate about the game, but not when it comes with a price that adversely affects not only you, but those around you, it’s time for a reality check. Sooner or later, you are going to have to sit and listen to your friends and family rave on about how great the Patriots are and how Tom Brady is “Greatest of all time…”

The Hunt for Happiness
By Matthew Williams

Before we get started…Good Luck! I say this not as a nuance that you are never going to find happiness, but as a notion that this is a life long journey—one that does not end when you think you have found it. But once you’ve found it, working to keep it will probably show how elusive it can be. With that said, I am going to share something so you can truly grasp the idea of what I mean when I say a life long journey.

I sought some spiritual guidance from someone of prominence in my church. After our conversation, he looked at me and said, “You want eternal happiness? Then say, ‘Jesus, I trust in you’ and say it until you mean it. Until you truly believe it and live it.” I believed, so I thought—no big deal. It was not until after leaving that meeting when the dread fell over me like an avalanche of guilt and sorrow.

People have died in pursuit of the very thing I was told to do. Talk about a reality check! Religious or not, one can appreciate the magnitude of my grief when this hit me: I will never achieve happiness. Simply put! That was until I realized my source of happiness, which we can save for later. However, know this: everyone’s source of happiness is different. It can be your faith, your children or grandchildren, family, friends, artistic abilities…the point is that it changes for everyone and at different stages of your life, both physically and emotionally.

According to the Society of Happy People there are 31 different types of happiness. YES—31 types! But, what is happiness and what does it look like? Happiness, by definition, is the state of being happy and this can take many forms. Think of something you enjoy. Does it bring a smile to your face, butterflies to your stomach, or maybe just a sense of fulfillment? That is, in reality, happiness! It’s everywhere and highly contagious. It is up to us—you and me—to find it.

In one of our previous blog posts, we discussed how ATTENTION is the Essential Ingredient for success. When we succeed at something, it tends to make us happy. By paying attention to our goals and leaving the distractions at the door, we get that much closer to what makes us happy. However, what do we do when we find it (“It” being happiness)? One of the things that I personally believe in, is to simply nurture it and live in the moment, soaking in all the goodness that it brings in your life. Remember two things: 1) Happiness is what we make of it. We are in charge of our happiness—nobody else—and what we do with it is our own choosing. 2) Happiness is a life long journey. It will ebb and flow, and that is ok.

January 15^th-21^st is the HUNT FOR HAPPINESS WEEK! Yes, a whole week dedicated to happiness. One way or another, it is my mission this week to help share happiness with all of you. So in the comments of this blog post, I will be sharing some funny moments from my own life and trust me, when you come from a rather large family, there is always a story or two to tell. Along with this, I will be posting links to fun little activities you can do and share with your families. Just remember this—happiness is everywhere. It is all around us, and we need to make the most of what life brings to us. If you can smile just once a day, then you are one step closer to becoming the person who you were made to be!

~Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger~

My Happiness:
I was speaking to a colleague of mine, and asked her what made her happy. Her response mirrored in a way, what makes me happy. I said earlier I would disclose what that was. While I love my family, friends, and my faith, what truly makes me happy is knowing I made a difference in someone else’s life. No matter how big or small, to know that I touched someone’s life for the better. This reminds me that my time here will not be for nothing. At the end of the day, I can say, “Jesus I trust in you, to love people, as you love me!”

Does Your "Life Balance Wheel" Resemble a Lumpy Tire?

Beth Healey, Director of Development and Marketing

We all do it from time to time—“fall out of balance.” If we don’t consciously take care of our bodies, manage stress nor seek to enrich ourselves spiritually, emotionally and socially, we risk slipping into a state of unhealthiness.

It can be difficult to identify exactly what is causing us to be out of balance. Mind and body are inseparable. It is not possible to experience whole health and wellness if a part or parts of your whole self are out of balance.

We hope and strive for a lot of things in our lives: a loving spouse and family, a successful career, financial stability, etc. In the midst of our journeys, we inevitably encounter rough spots that can make us feel our efforts are in vain. As a result, we begin to experience self-doubt and negative emotions that hinder us, making our dreams and goals seem that much more impossible to attain. Then, the physical maladies set in. These may include fatigue, headaches, insomnia, heart palpitations, difficulty breathing, digestive problems and the like.* Enrichment, positivity and self-care are suddenly out the window.

When you reach one of those low, frustrating points in your life—and we all do—try putting aside fretting and ruminating on your troubles for a while and concentrate on finding what is out of balance in your life. The “life balance wheel” is a valuable tool to help you discover the answer.

Check out these resources to find out which one works best for you and give it a try:

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_93.htm

http://www.pure-coaching.com/IWLink.html

You might be surprised what you learn about yourself. Better yet, you will have the information you need to develop a plan of action to achieve balance, harmony and peace in your life. Being on a balanced course empowers you to achieve the things that are important to you.

However, sometimes the things that are causing great pain and struggling in our lives are things that we cannot change by ourselves. Identifying the areas of imbalance is a good start, but knowing how to go about making the appropriate changes can seem impossible. You may be overwhelmed, anxious or on the verge of exhaustion. These are strong indicators that you may need professional help.

Getting counseling may be the best thing you will ever do for yourself. Even counselors see other counselors when the need presents itself—just like doctors see other doctors! Below is another valuable link to mental health screening tools to help you evaluate feelings you may be experiencing.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screening-tools

And remember, Samaritan’s caring therapists are only a phone call away at 412-741-7430.

*This is not intended to be medical advice. Please see your physician for your health concerns

The Essential Ingredient

By Matthew A. Williams, Administrative Coordinator, Samaritan Counseling Center

What if I told you that I have failed? More importantly, what if I told you that I have failed multiple times trying to achieve the same goal? Insanity right? (Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.) It may sound familiar. In fact, it is probably safe to say that we all have something in our lives we strive for and no matter how many times we try, we still fall short of our goal. Could it be we are lacking an essential ingredient to help push us over that threshold to greatness and success?

 

Most of us are currently in that yearly pursuit of greatness in the form of New Year Resolutions. How many times, over and over, do we set the same goal, year after year, and…nothing! What we lack is ATTENTION—the essential ingredient in our quest for success!

 

Simply put, our lives are full of distraction. Phone calls, emails, text messages, kids, TV, the never ending trips to the fridge for snacks, and the big one—FACEBOOK! We give these things our time and attention without much thought.

Or, we multi-task, which has a tendency to get us into more trouble than we realize. The fact of the matter is, our attention is strained to the point of catastrophic failure—and who are we failing? Ourselves!

         
Bonne Artman Fox, a licensed therapist and founder of A Conscious Choice, offers some advice to help us better manage our attention in order to achieve success during the New Year:

·       Clear your desk. Even if you know where things are amidst stacks of papers, clutter slows down your creativity and productivity.

·       Respond to phone calls, emails, or text messages at designated times throughout the day. Your attention is the driver of excellence. Protect it by turning off ringers that may distract you from the task at hand.

·       Leave a daily message on your voice mail greeting about your day. Give an overview of your meetings, appointments, etc. By doing so, you are giving a personal touch to your callers and letting them know when you will be available to return calls.

·       Establish a timeline of how long you will work on projects before you move on to the next. Research shows our concentration is best when we work at 60 minutes intervals, and then take a 5-10 minute break.

By eliminating the clutter (distractions) all around us, we can hone in our attention to the task at hand and maximize our efforts. So go ahead—set a goal, clear your desk off, cut out the distractions and start the New Year off right by managing your attention. Don’t forget to schedule your snack run ahead of time!  

Patience, Practice and Paying Attention!

By Lori Cangilla, PhD - Licensed Psychologist

I recall learning as a child that Advent was to be a season of preparation for the coming of Christ, a time of joyful and patient waiting for change. Joyful and patient? Personally, my natural tendency is toward impatience. How can we develop a spirit of eager anticipation during these times of waiting, both in Advent and in other seasons of preparation in our lives?

Create Routines of Practice. You can prioritize the process of preparation by establishing routines of practice. Thus, waiting becomes an active, constructive process. Many people benefit from daily exercises like meditation or devotional reading. Make an effort to create and sustain a routine of practice to avoid quickly falling out of the habit. (Above photo: These sisters created a routine of practice with family members of dressing in silly PJs and playing board games around the dining table on Christmas Eve. Their spouses, grown children and family friends join in the fun!)

Make Waiting a Communal Experience. Imagine waiting alone in a slow-moving line for entry into an event you eagerly anticipate. Now imagine that same wait with friends who are equally excited. Through your relationships, you can encourage one another to face the challenges of patient preparation. While living with a host family in Germany, I joined them very Sunday to gather over tea and pastry, light the candles of the wreath, and share our journeys through Advent. This routine of practice was a cherished time for all, young and elderly alike.

Pay Attention! Preparation is best done mindfully, not on autopilot. Reflection, discussion, journaling and other means of contemplation can help us gain perspective. By stepping back from the immediate moment of waiting, we can contextualize our experiences and focus on the reason for our preparations.

 

  

The Subject No One Wants to Talk About, But Should

Spiritual Gifts for Suicide Survivors - Lori Cangilla, PhD, Licensed Psychologist, Samaritan Counseling Center of Western PA
 

Did you know that it is estimated that more than 5 million Americans*** have been directly impacted by suicide—more than twice as many as have been directly impacted by homicide? These people are suicide survivors: people left to live in the wake of the suicide death of someone with whom they had a significant relationship.

This week is National Suicide Prevention Week, and the theme is “Suicidology: A Place for Everyone.” What is the place for suicide survivors, and what is the role of the Christian community in creating that place?

 
These questions are near to my heart, because I am a suicide survivor. My father died by suicide 26 years ago, after decades of mental and physical health problems. At the time, the field of suicidology did not necessarily focus on the needs of suicide survivors.

We have come to recognize that suicide survivors need all of the same resources that anyone who is grieving needs—supportive people, a means to express their emotions, and acceptance of the normal range of emotions associated with the grief process. However, because death by suicide continues to be misunderstood and stigmatized, the suicide survivor needs additional compassion, information about suicide, and connection to other survivors. Child and adolescent survivors additionally need access to developmentally-appropriate supports and information.

The Christian community has the potential to be an advocate in the healing process. Clergy, lay leaders, and church members must first educate themselves about suicide myths and the needs of suicide survivors, then commit to reducing ignorance and stigma within their communities.

In ministering to suicide survivors, the Christian community should take a comprehensive approach, not leaving the task to clergy or a church subcommittee. A diverse group of people bringing the Gifts of the Spirit (wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, reverence, and fear of the Lord, Isaiah 11:1-2) can best support the hurting suicide survivor as s/he moves through the grief process.

I speak from experience when I say that, if you or someone you know is a suicide survivor, there is hope for your healing. Counseling is available for people of all ages at Samaritan, regardless of how long ago the death by suicide occurred. The sites below may also be helpful. Most importantly, no survivor should walk the grieving journey alone. There is always hope.

If you or someone you know needs immediate assistance in a suicide crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

American Association of Suicidology

http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-loss-survivors
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors

http://www.allianceofhope.org/

***All statistics taken from the American Academy of Suicidology’s website, www.suicidology.org.

Is Your Church Safe?

By Beth Healey

Sexual assault is a contemptible crime. Children and adults—male and female alike—continue to be traumatized by it. One in four females is sexually abused by her 18^th birthday. For boys, it is one in six.

Sexual assault is a rampant crime. We will never forget the shock of the Sandusky scandal nor the public outrage over the Brock Turner verdict. Countless sexual assaults—those exposed to the public and those that are silently hidden—occur over and over again.

Educational programs, law enforcement, background checks, prison sentences, psychological counseling and other concerted efforts exist to address this dark brutality. Yet, it continues to ravage innocent victims in our schools, churches, streets, community organizations and—disturbingly—in our homes behind closed doors.

Sexual assault is a preventable crime. Despite everything that has been done to impede and punish, it is obvious that there is much more to do. When I learned about the Brock Turner case, I felt as though efforts to seek justice for rape victims (and respect for women) had been set back to square one. But I quickly realized that this horrible circumstance has taught us that more action is required.

Samaritan Centers across the nation are taking action. Here, in our region, the Samaritan Counseling Center of Western PA and the Pittsburgh Pastoral Institute are partnering to offer their second annual training program to address child sexual abuse and the healing of adult survivors—the SafeChurch Project—which is set to begin on September 10, 2016.

SafeChurch empowers faith communities to become leaders in the prevention of child sexual abuse. The training includes the development of policy to protect children as well as education on recognizing the signs of abuse, inappropriate behaviors and intervention. These principles are applicable not only in a church setting, but also in the greater community. Additionally, SafeChurch teaches how to foster a culture within the church that promotes the healing and ongoing support of adult survivors.

"Safe church was such a blessing! It enabled us to talk through so many of the realities of childhood sexual abuse and gave us the framework to create a meaningful policy and approach to change our church's culture to an ongoing space of safety for children." - Lori Bass-Riley, Director of Children's Ministry at Cross Roads Presbyterian Church

Last year, 45+ representatives from 11 Western PA churches completed SafeChurch training. Click HERE for more details and how to register, or call Samaritan at 412-741-7430. Download SafeChurch BROCHURE. Check us out at www.samaritancounseling.net.