By Beth Healey
Director of Development and Marketing
You have all heard the expression, “the elephant in the room.” At the
Samaritan Counseling Center, no elephant goes unnoticed—they are all
talked about. After all, therapy involves a lot of talking. In fact, not
talking about the elephant perpetuates what is unhealthy and
problematic.
One of society’s most popular elephants in the room is the subject of
suicide. Chances are very good that everyone reading this blog has
in some way been affected by it. One in 17 adults and one in six teens are considering suicide at this very moment.
When I was in high school, I knew two girls who attempted suicide.
Later in my life, my husband’s nephew—27 years old—unfortunately,
succeeded at it. At the age of 89, my grandfather died by his own hand.
Too ashamed to speak the truth, my distraught grandma told others that
he had had a heart attack and that “he was a good man.” As though
suicide made him a “bad man.”
Here’s another misunderstanding I’d like to put to rest. It’s been
said that someone who takes his own life is selfish because he’s only
thinking of himself and not about how the act will affect others who
love and care about him.
Trust me—that is not the case. Pain is a powerful motivator.
A person may or may not have a high tolerance for pain. Regardless of
one’s tolerance level, both physical and mental pain often rise to the
point of unbearable, rendering the person suffering incapable of
focusing on anything else except ending the pain.
One type of pain is the pain of hopelessness. You may argue, “If a
person has faith, he knows there is always hope!” But you are assuming
he is capable of reasoning and understanding. Those capabilities do not
exist when the pain of hopelessness is a monster with its teeth clamped
into you.
As I think about it, it becomes clearer to me why most people are uncomfortable talking about suicide, or especially, to
someone who is suicidal. When you are capable of reasoning and
understanding, it’s nearly impossible to imagine why anyone would want
to end his life. The words, “It will get better; this too shall pass,”
want to escape from our lips. Or worse yet, “It’s not that bad. Snap out
of it.”
Let’s circle back to hopelessness. Based on my own experience,
hopelessness is a complex and scary state of being. It is something that
continues to expand and become stronger with each reinforcement. It
reminds me of that old science fiction movie— “The Blob”. The Blob kept
growing and growing until it was uncontrollable, till it wrapped itself
around someone and swallowed him up.
These reinforcements are often born out of a deep sense of failure
and worthlessness (which, by the way, are often unfounded). Some of you
will call it sickness; others will call it an attack from Satan.
Whatever you call it, just keep in mind that snapping out of it is akin
to snapping out of the pain of any progressing disease.
A path toward healing exists. It is paved with the right words, a
supportive environment, love, prayers and clinical treatment. One last
nugget of wisdom: suicidal desperation doesn’t develop overnight and
cannot be healed overnight. But it can be healed!
Learn more by SIGNING UP for Soul Shop™ on Wednesday, May 3 from 9a.m.-3p.m. at Crossroads: A Campus of First United Methodist Church, Butler. Early Bird Fee: $40 includes lunch; Counselors: Add $10 for 5 CEUs
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