A Church Alive: Coping with Suicidal Desperation

By Matthew Williams

According to Mentalhealth.org:

·       112 Americans die from suicide each day on average

      112 x 365 (days in a year) = 40,880

      40,880 people die each year from suicide

·       Suicide is the 2^nd leading cause of deaths between the ages of 15-24 years of age.

·       More than 6.4 million people have thought about suicide as an option

As we get started, think about that number, 40,880. That is 40,880 souls that knew no other release from their pain other than ending their own lives. That is over 40,000 individuals that believed their pain outweighed the resources available to them to get help. As we go through this post we all need to know two major things. One, suicidal thoughts or tendencies should never be kept a secret. They need to be talked about! Two, suicide is preventable; we just need to learn to reach out. As faith based communities, we are called to love one another, to reach out and help those in need.

Suicidal desperation has been a source of turmoil in our faith-based communities as leaders struggle with how to cope with their members who suffer from it. Many people still fear that talking about suicide will plant the idea into someone’s head. For starters, someone will not commit suicide because you gave him/her the idea. That idea has already manifested itself over time. In order to reach out properly and diminish that fear we have, we need to learn how to talk to and approach someone who is suffering from suicidal tendencies. Church is the perfect place for this talk to happen.

The Church is the living, breathing embodiment of God’s love for us. It is the source of hope, healing, forgiveness, and charity. These tenants help lend us the tools that a faith-based community should use to help its struggling members find hope and help. Often times the way we approach an individual struggling with deep seated problems, crises or mental illness sets the tone for how that person is going to receive the information we provide them. For example, if you tell someone, “don’t worry, everything will be fine,” it can come across that you are being dismissive of what they are feeling. It is crucial to truly listen and understand what they are relaying to you when you speak to them.

Active listening helps provide the individual in need the comfort of knowing that you are truly listening, understanding and can recall all that they are telling you. This helps build trust and ultimately the feeling of connectedness. Connectedness is one of the ways to help prevent a suicide. It promotes emotional wellbeing that includes belonging to something greater than ones’ self. This can include a community, family friends, and loved ones. Connectedness helps build relationships that has a value that some may not want to let go of.

Active listening can also help identify people in a parish that may truly be suffering from suicidal thoughts. The earlier you can get them help the better the outcome can be. The cost of suicide or even the desperation that comes along with it is often strenuous on a parish or congregation. Being able to navigate through the tumultuous times that suicide often brings can truly help save a life. However, to do this one needs the proper tools. Fortunately, there are programs out there like SOUL SHOP which is designed specifically for educating ministers, church leaders and anyone interested in how to approach and integrate the tools needed to save a life from the desperation of suicide.

Soul Shop is unique as it was designed to help people get through that “dark hour” and live to see another day, or as the founder Fe Anam Avis calls it, “A Second Day.” Soul Shop was built upon seven Key Ideas or Philosophy that help aid in suicide prevention. From, “Suicidal desperation can begin for anyone given an accumulation of losses combined with a reduction in resources to deal with those losses,” to, “As a faith community begins to adjust to the reality of suicidal desperation among its members, it must fundamentally alter the way members deal with one another.”

Soul Shop helps provide the tools necessary to make the greatest impact on those afflicted with suicidal desperation. More importantly, it helps educate the masses so they too can help save the 40,880 souls who lose the battle with their inner struggle annually. REGISTER today for Soul Shop on May 3, 2017.

When Words Will Bolster or Break

By Beth Healey

Director of Development and Marketing

You have all heard the expression, “the elephant in the room.” At the Samaritan Counseling Center, no elephant goes unnoticed—they are all talked about. After all, therapy involves a lot of talking. In fact, not talking about the elephant perpetuates what is unhealthy and problematic.

  

One of society’s most popular elephants in the room is the subject of suicide. Chances are very good that everyone reading this blog has in some way been affected by it. One in 17 adults and one in six teens are considering suicide at this very moment.

  

When I was in high school, I knew two girls who attempted suicide. Later in my life, my husband’s nephew—27 years old—unfortunately, succeeded at it. At the age of 89, my grandfather died by his own hand. Too ashamed to speak the truth, my distraught grandma told others that he had had a heart attack and that “he was a good man.” As though suicide made him a “bad man.”

 

Here’s another misunderstanding I’d like to put to rest. It’s been said that someone who takes his own life is selfish because he’s only thinking of himself and not about how the act will affect others who love and care about him.

 

Trust me—that is not the case. Pain is a powerful motivator. 

 

A person may or may not have a high tolerance for pain. Regardless of one’s tolerance level, both physical and mental pain often rise to the point of unbearable, rendering the person suffering incapable of focusing on anything else except ending the pain.

 

One type of pain is the pain of hopelessness. You may argue, “If a person has faith, he knows there is always hope!” But you are assuming he is capable of reasoning and understanding. Those capabilities do not exist when the pain of hopelessness is a monster with its teeth clamped into you. 

 

As I think about it, it becomes clearer to me why most people are uncomfortable talking about suicide, or especially, to someone who is suicidal. When you are capable of reasoning and understanding, it’s nearly impossible to imagine why anyone would want to end his life. The words, “It will get better; this too shall pass,” want to escape from our lips. Or worse yet, “It’s not that bad. Snap out of it.”

 

Let’s circle back to hopelessness. Based on my own experience, hopelessness is a complex and scary state of being. It is something that continues to expand and become stronger with each reinforcement. It reminds me of that old science fiction movie— “The Blob”. The Blob kept growing and growing until it was uncontrollable, till it wrapped itself around someone and swallowed him up.

 

These reinforcements are often born out of a deep sense of failure and worthlessness (which, by the way, are often unfounded). Some of you will call it sickness; others will call it an attack from Satan. Whatever you call it, just keep in mind that snapping out of it is akin to snapping out of the pain of any progressing disease.

  

A path toward healing exists. It is paved with the right words, a supportive environment, love, prayers and clinical treatment. One last nugget of wisdom: suicidal desperation doesn’t develop overnight and cannot be healed overnight. But it can be healed!

  

Learn more by SIGNING UP for Soul Shop™ on Wednesday, May 3 from 9a.m.-3p.m. at Crossroads: A Campus of First United Methodist Church, Butler. Early Bird Fee: $40 includes lunch; Counselors: Add $10 for 5 CEUs

         

Precious and Essential to Life, Though Often Taken for Granted

By Lori Cangilla, PhD

Think of something you use every day that makes it possible to communicate with other people, get information about the world, and make an impact on the people and things around us. This thing is very precious, difficult to upgrade, and without it, life as we know it would cease.

No, I’m actually not talking about our smartphones. I’m referring to our bodies. These invaluable physical selves allow us to experience all of the things that make us human. When we are healthy, it’s easy to take our bodies for granted. If we get injured or sick, we are quickly reminded of just how much our physical well-being means to us. When we care for a sick person or feed and clothe a baby, we recognize how fragile these human bodies can be.

But how many of us struggle to treat our physical selves as well as we might treat another person, or even as well as we take care of an important possession like a phone? Do we set ourselves up for future problems by taking our bodies for granted, ignoring their needs, or trying to endlessly modify them?

Perhaps we are called to learn ways to show respect for and honor these physical selves. What if we took the time to radically change our attitudes toward our bodies? We might begin to:

·       Notice what we are experiencing in our bodies, instead of numbing out, distracting ourselves, or ignoring sensations that don’t seem convenient

·       Respect the wisdom that our bodies contain, designed to be self-regulating systems that are balanced and signal our minds as to our needs for nutrition, movement, sleep, and play.

·       Accept that there is no such thing as a perfect body, and begin to develop compassion for the so-called imperfections each of us have.

·       Cultivate a sense of wonder at what our bodies enable us to do—laugh, love, play, work, and change our worlds.

For some people, the challenge of caring for one’s body can develop into distorted thinking about the body or patterns of disordered eating. If you or someone you care about is struggling to develop or maintain a healthy, respectful relationship to the body, please consider taking a screening as part of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. This screening can help you or the person you care about learn whether an in-person appointment for further assessment of eating and body image could be helpful. Samaritan’s clinical team is waiting to help people on the journey to a more balanced, self-compassionate relationship with food and the body.

To complete the screening, visit:

http://screening.mentalhealthscreening.org/NEDA

For more information on National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, visit:

http://nedawareness.org/

A Super Bowl of Emotions
By Matthew Williams

Regardless which side you were rooting for, one thing is for certain

when it comes to this past weekend’s super bowl—it was a game for the ages. If you are a Falcons fan, I am sorry. If you are a Patriots fan, congratulations! Regardless of which team you rooted for, you may still be experiencing the after effects of such a spectacular event—the extreme highs and lows of your emotions.

Like most of the nation, I was a Falcons fan for a night. (Sorry Patriots, just cannot root for you.) I experienced great joy, anger, and ultimately sadness during the course of a four hour span—a lot of emotion and very drastic. Multiply that by 112 million, which was the viewership for Super Bowl 50. Why do we experience all of this emotion and how can we cope with it?

The world of sports is an interesting one. If you don’t believe me, look at Pittsburgh on a Monday morning after a Steelers loss. You would think everyone needed a counselor! (Which Samaritan can provide—I know, shameless plug) Or, look at some of the huge sporting events that happen across the world. It is guaranteed that at least one couch and maybe a car may be set ablaze by the losing team’s fans—not to mention the countless brawls between fan bases.

BUT WHY!? Why do we get so caught up in this world? According to an article by Dr. Ryan Martin in Psychology Today titled, “The Inciting Word of Sports,” there are basic psychological factors that explain this crazy phenomenon. One of these factors is reflected glory, which was coined by Robert Cialdini that described an individual’s ability “share” in the glory that resulted in someone else’s doing. This is best seen in sports when fans refer to a team’s win by saying “We won” or “We are going to the Super Bowl” when in reality that fan had no realistic impact on that team.

Another factor is tension. This goes hand in hand with sharing in the glory of a team. If the stakes rise during a game, it can lead to higher levels of anxiety. As a result, one may experience the feeling of being on edge or even violent, especially when the event is not going the way he/she thought it would. For some fans, their team losing a game can have catastrophic consequences, leading them to do things (like setting fires, inciting fights and destroying property) that may be out of their norm.

Fortunately, there are some simple solutions to avoid developing a frenzied state of mind. 

One of the most important things you can do is keep everything in perspective. It is nothing more than a game, something that should be enjoyed, not a source of anger, hostility, or depression. Think realistically about what the win or loss means for you, the fan. Knowing what makes you upset or angry during a sporting event (or any event) is the first step in awareness and relaxation. Recognizing what triggers the anxiety and anger can help you cope through different relaxation techniques.

One of my personal favorites is called the Limp Noodle which is a Progressive Muscle Relaxation Technique. This technique was shared with me by one of our counselors, Lynda Bradley and is commonly used to help relieve stress, anxiety, and feelings of physical discomfort. To do this is very simple:

1.     Sit on edge of chair

2.     Back straight and feet planted firmly on ground.

3.     Bend over at the waist allowing your arms to dangle to the floor.

4.     Take deep slow breaths, allowing the muscles in your body relax.

5.     Calm the mind by clearing it and focusing on a spot on the floor.

6.     Do all of this for a few moments; your body will tell you when it’s time to rise.

7.     Slowly bring yourself back up, taking slow and deep breaths.

8.     Bring your hands in front of you, interlock your fingers and place them on the back of your head.

9.     Lean back with your hands behind you head and breathe deeply and slowly.

A perfect posture for watching the game in peace (or as close to peaceful as possible)!

Dr. Martin also recommends limiting the banter with friends and family. Stress does not only come from the game, but also from those around you. While it may start out as friendly teasing between friends and family, it can quickly erupt into a source of anger and more stress.

Finally, there is simple avoidance. If you know something is going to cause unwanted stress, there is no shame in avoiding the conflict. Recognizing the stressors in your life and avoiding them while you learn how to cope is a healthy way to keep your mind on point. (That doesn’t mean avoiding everything altogether.) Watching sports is a choice, going to the in-laws is not!

You can be passionate about the game, but not when it comes with a price that adversely affects not only you, but those around you, it’s time for a reality check. Sooner or later, you are going to have to sit and listen to your friends and family rave on about how great the Patriots are and how Tom Brady is “Greatest of all time…”