Aim for a Stress Free Holiday

by Hannah Perry

The holidays are a fun time to visit family and celebrate the season. Unfortunately, for the past two years I spent the days between Christmas and New Year’s in bed at my parents’ house with the flu. It wasn’t due to the cold weather or a virus going through the family, but due to stress. I was in a high pressure marketing career with no pause or stop button. Despite the illness, I had to suffer my way through conference calls and emails all leading up to the big event I was managing that occurred mid-January.

The rest of the year I was stressed as well, but the added stress of the holidays and family, and missing out on the fun, made me extremely ill two years in a row. Thankfully, I’m no longer in that career and my stress level has gone down drastically, but how ironic is it that during these times that are meant to refresh us we often end up so drained!

In a previous article we discussed mindfulness, which is a great way to manage stress, but I’d like to provide a few additional tips that can help us all this holiday season:

-        Leave Work at Work: I know this is not possible for all careers but the more you can be present in the given moment with family and friends the better. If you must work then set aside a specific amount of time in the day and purely focus on work, trying to watch A Christmas Story while editing that excel spreadsheet never accomplishes much anyway. . .

-        Eat Healthier: There will be another post coming, regarding this topic, but eating healthier during the holidays will help you to feel better and provide you with more energy, as well as boost your immune system.

-        Exercise: Proven to be a stress reliever, exercise is a great way for your body to refresh itself. My new favorite phone app is called “Seven”, it offers a seven minute high intensity workout complete with an instructor to yell at you to keep going (in four different voice options – I prefer Drill Sergeant, but Hippie is pretty fun too).

-        Lower your Expectations: We often put too much pressure on ourselves to get the perfect gifts, to host the perfect party, and to make sure the entire family is getting along perfectly. But, it’s the imperfections that make us all unique and it’s not worth it to drive ourselves crazy striving for an unattainable goal. Savor the moments and stop comparing your life to others.

Please enjoy the holiday season, relax and be safe. Time goes by so quickly and it’s important to spend time with the people we love and to be there for people that don’t have such supportive families and friends.

How Much Does "Outside Noise" Clutter Your Life?
- By Hannah Perry

When I was in college I used to write my friends “stream of consciousness” emails. Let me say these friends are still my best friends today, mostly because they put up with such ridiculous emails about my life, and even encouraged them. These emails rarely had punctuation and would jump from one thought to the next as fast as my brain could travel. At the time I wasn’t aware I was practicing mindfulness but as our lives continue to be more and more cluttered by outside “noise” it’s a practice I believe is becoming more and more important today.

Think about it. When do you sit alone and just think, or pray, or meditate? Even when we’re driving in our cars our attention is outside of the vehicles (as it should be!) in addition to the radio or passengers.  Even when we’re trying to rest we start scrolling through our phones and checking facebook, email, messages. 

Well, I suggest we spend some time practicing mindfulness; which is a practice involving paying attention to the moment, bringing one’s complete attention to the here and now. Mindfulness has been proven to help with anxiety, relaxation, and stress reduction. Some tactics include: writing in a journal (forcing yourself to sit and focus on your thoughts) and meditation (sitting for 10 minutes and strictly focusing on your breathing – I like to also think of things I’m thankful for).

Instead of turning to life’s distractions when you’re feeling overwhelmed, give it a shot, maybe it’ll end up being a rejuvenating practice that you’ll routinely add into your life.

Winter

By Hannah Perry

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”

 – Albert Camus

Living in Pittsburgh and struggling with seasonal depression most of my life, you can see why this is one of my favorite quotes. The doldrums of winter can hit people hard in different ways. It gets darker earlier and the sky rarely offers the pure blue sunshine bliss.  A stagnant gray sky seems to appear and never disappear. In these times it’s important to remember that the sun will still shine. You may not always see it, but it’s there and this is only a season (unless you live in Alaska where the sun really doesn’t come up for days at a time).

Please also remember that seasonal depression, known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a real disorder that can improve with therapy.  Maybe it’s time to start light box therapy, get your Vitamin D levels checked, regularly exercise, eat healthier, and schedule an appointment with one of our licensed counselors. And remember, there is always hope.

Anger Management

Anger. It’s something all of us experience. Although unpleasant, it is a normal human emotion. Is anger good? Is it bad? Should we hold it in? Let it out?

Just about everyone has heard of anger management, but do you know what anger management therapy entails? Let’s back up. First, let’s explore the ways we express our anger.

We can choose to express our anger in healthy or unhealthy ways. Frequently flying off the handle, screaming, spewing abusive words, throwing things and punching holes in the wall are obviously unhealthy expressions of anger. But so is bottling it all up inside, ruminating about what made us angry and refusing to speak to the person we’re angry with. In other words, both aggressive and passive anger are detrimental to ourselves and to others.

Unhealthy anger makes us—well—unhealthy. Headaches and stomach aches, high blood pressure, cardiovascular problems, anxiety, depression and impaired judgment are just a few of the health issues that can evolve from unhealthy anger. Worse yet, uncontrolled anger frequently leads to broken relationships and acts of violence.

But there is help. Anger management therapy helps us learn techniques to calm down, redirect our energy and develop healthy communication skills and coping strategies. It helps us explore the roots of our anger and recognize our triggers and physical symptoms. Group therapy for anger management provides the opportunity to share and learn from each other. Individual therapy for managing your anger is also effective.

Do you or someone you know need help managing your anger? If you’re not sure, read these nine bulleted items. Most importantly, know that you’re not alone. Just like all of our counseling and program services, Samaritan’s Anger Management Program provides hope and healing to get you to a better place—emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Your Holiday: Merry or Maddening?

Once again, the holidays are upon us. Along with pumpkin pies, squealing children running around, and lots of hugs and laughter come the inevitable not-so-fun moments. Are there people around your table you would rather not see if you could help it? Those who always seem to say something critical? Those who won’t even speak to each other?

Strained and broken relationships among family members are often difficult to repair—and it is rarely possible to accomplish this during an annual gathering. But there are things you can do to make it better.

 

Bonnie Artman Fox, whose career has included working as a licensed therapist as well as a registered nurse, is the founder of A Conscious Choice through which she teaches skills to deal with difficult people and situations. She has wise and thoughtful advice for those who are struggling with family issues during the holidays. In a nutshell, Bonnie advises giving a “heart gift…”

“…compassion instead of a comeback…a smile instead of sarcasm…affirming words instead of attacking words.”

OK, this can be really tough to do—especially when you’ve been deeply hurt by someone. The following is a quote Bonnie shares that could make it easier for you:

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”  - Thich Nhat Hanh

While extending compassion, forgiveness—even tolerance—for a few hours on one or two days out of the year might be doable, it likely will not restore the relationship(s). But it will make the day more pleasant for everyone.

Try it. If it goes well for you, then consider taking another step. At Samaritan Counseling Center, our therapists are trained to help families and couples to improve—and often restore—damaged relationships.

Give family counseling a try. Yes, it’s hard work—there’s no magic involved! But all the people who got professional counseling and are now gathering at their holiday tables sharing love, peace and happiness will tell you that it was well worth their efforts.

First Responders

We are all familiar with the term “first responders.” But did you know you can be a “mental health first responder?”

I recently participated in a workshop entitled Mental Health CPR. Presented by the National Alliance on Mental Illness—NAMI—this program equips you to respond effectively to someone who is having a mental health crisis.

A mental health crisis can take the form of a:
•    Panic attack
•    Emotional breakdown
•    Delusional episode

There are right ways and there are WRONG ways to interact with a person in the midst of a mental health crisis. We might think we would know what to say and do, but I can assure you that when faced by someone in the midst of such a crisis, we are likely to become tongue-tied or say or do the exact opposite of what we should.

For example, if a person with major depression is describing a situation to you while sobbing uncontrollably, your natural response might be something like, “Oh, this happens to everyone. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine tomorrow.” Or, “I understand how you feel. Let me tell you what happened to me…” Although you may think you are offering comfort, your comments will likely come across as belittling—and cut like a knife.

Here’s another example. A person with schizophrenia may be hallucinating and hearing voices. He or she may tell you that there are aliens nearby, ready to attack. In an effort to reassure the person, you might be inclined to say, “There’s nothing to worry about. There are no such things as aliens—that’s just your mind playing tricks.” You would be wrong again!

The wrong responses have the real potential to escalate the situation. NAMI has an acronym: ALGEE, which stands for:
•    Assess if the person is on the verge of self-injury or suicide
•    Listen without judgment
•    Give information and reassurance
•    Encourage professional help
•    Encourage self-help and other supportive strategies

There’s a lot of information that accompanies these five directives, hence the need for a one-to-two day training course on Mental Health CPR. Putting this training into practice has the power to save a life. Learn more...

“She will probably spend Christmas alone…because she chooses to isolate herself.”

Anyone who reads my writings knows that they tend to be upbeat and encouraging. Today, however, I am feeling sad for someone I care about. She is suffering from depression—but just cannot face it. I have explained to her that she should seek help to get better, but not only does she hate to go to doctors, but she continues to deny that there is anything mentally/emotionally wrong.

She will probably spend Christmas alone—not because she hasn’t been invited by her family—but because she chooses to isolate herself. I cannot recall the last time she has said anything positive. She never talks about having any friends, nor does she go anywhere except to work, the grocery store and the laundromat. As for having company or engaging in any conversations outside of work—I’m it.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to ever give up on her. I am going to continue to lovingly reach out. For instance, I am inviting her again to a Christmas gathering—even offering to take her home as soon as she wishes to leave.

If anyone reading this knows someone who is in denial and continues to suffer, whether it be from depression, addiction, PTSD, etc., I hope for your sake and theirs that they will see the light and seek professional help. This IS the season for miracles! Check out http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/05/08/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/